I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
