I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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