My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
