i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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