my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
