why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
