i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
