trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
