He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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