I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
