were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
