well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
