I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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