she looked like the before picture.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
