Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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