I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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