No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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