i just had sex bonerless
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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