I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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