Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
