he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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