the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
