The maid of honor just puked.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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