my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
