i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
