help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
