guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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