my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
