Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
