Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
