Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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