About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the liver wants what the liver wants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
