I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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