After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My penis needs a shock collar
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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