does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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