Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize