dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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