Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
