if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
