I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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