kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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