yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize