You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
