nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
