I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
