This is not my ceiling
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
