He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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