I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize