He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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