i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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