dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
