when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
