I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bring me that man meat
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
