Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
