# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
