Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
