We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize