all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
