Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
