Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
