Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize