Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
