My nipple is on Facebook.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize