Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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