He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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