Don't make out with my wife yet
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
