I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Randomize
